I would like to welcome and thank Josh Elam for his contribution to TUATM.net, "Customer Rants" section. Considering TUAMT.net is technically a non-profit organization, that is unsuccessfully maintained by a manic depressive webmaster wannabe, we cannot offer any form of monetary remuneration for contributions. However, we have no issues with shamelessly plastering contributor’s name, like JOSH ELAM, all over the website as shallow and economical means of payment. Come on… How many of us don’t want to see our names on the Internet. OK, well, maybe Alan, and that article about his nocturnal escapades with underage sheep… Any way, here is a typical day in the life of Josh...

As the hours slowly wane by last night, leaving me with adequate time to ponder the meaning of life, and the contrast of the meaning for myself and something slightly lower on the Richter Scale (this Richter scale refers to Dick Richter a neo-nazi supremacist) (ok its made up but Dick Richter is a classic name) such as an iguana, I receive a phone call.

This phone call started off as a standard request that a help desk telephone support manager (that's right, I decided this is a manager position too) would expect to receive various times throughout the day.

The user, and I use that term to describe a person using the last of their brain cells, stated that she is using a computer that she has never logged into before and her email isn't working like it does on her regular computer, and that a co-user has informed that for her to use the printer a tech would have to come out and add the printer for her first.

I asked the nice lady, who is apparently an avid fan of "pretty colors," if she is able to get her email on any other computers there or if she ever has, more for me to tell her to use that one and leave me alone, than for any other reason, and she responds with "yes, this one."

At this point I am a little lost so I decide to remote into her machine and get her email and printer working, as I ask for the asset number off of her machine I am assaulted with a barrage of ignorant and confused slurs of what I can only assume is the English language. The small energy friendly halogen above her head illuminated and she understood what asset number meant and where to find it unfortunately she gave me the NIPR asset and I was unable to connect.  A short time after she was able to track down the location of her SIPR machine and give me the proper asset.

I closed her Microsoft Outlook and re-opened without a problem, I then added the requested printer under her profile also without a problem.  Me with the new found managerial prowess, figured the transaction was complete, I was sadly mistaken, she asked, and I shit you not "hey, since I want to use this printer now, is it okay for me to move into this room? It’s way in another room."

I informed the lady that this could not be done as if she did move it, even if she had some sort of schematics that instructed her on how to plug the printer back into an outlet, it would have no network connectivity and nobody would be able to print. Disappointed, she submitted, that she would take the arduous trek to the next room to pick up the Wind-Jammer menu she just printed out.

Shortly after the phone call ended I receive another call from the same location.  The man reminded me of the phone conversation I just had and, requested that I add a printer to his profile.  This is the same individual who had been giving the other lady all of the advice I come to find out.  Instead of wasting time walking him through adding the printer, I get his asset number and add the printer for him. He then makes this statement "so, now that I can print to this printer can we go ahead and move the other printer to her office, cause I don't need that one now."

........ ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!!

"No sir, you cannot... Not only would the printer not work if you did, because each network drop is specifically set up for a particular asset, but, you should not be moving any IT equipment besides a mouse and keyboard without an ITR" 

He said he knew that but wanted to see if they could do it..... fucking sweet!!!