While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Needless to say, the cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"

I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."

The cop said "What?..... a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?

"I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 feet wide.

"The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge...

"The ticket -- $95 dollars. The look on his face, priceless...